It has been Valentine month, the month of love. I sincerely hope you have had a loving time. Love should not be about February 14th really. We started the love discuss 2 weeks ago. We did say that love is one the most powerful forces on earth today. You can still read the beautiful and powerful poems we shared with our listeners. (http://www.doveeyeswithchinwekalu.org.ng/2012/02/love-is-in-the-air/ ) So today we’ll be talking to those looking for love, especially those who are already in relationships but want them to be truly loving and long lasting relationships that end at the altar and even after. I’ll be giving you a few tips. We talking love – how to keep it going.
BE TRUE TO YOUR SELVES.
In the 21st century, we live in a world of make believe. We can have long hair, long eyelashes, long nails whether we are naturally endowed or not- all we have to do is buy them and have them fixed. We can be inches taller, just buy heely shoes. So it is so easy to deceive your partner when you’re dating. You’ll just make the effort not to be caught with your pants down- until the ‘deed’ is done. It happens with both the boys and the girls. The details may vary but the issue is the pretence.
I remember a folklore my Father once told me about the Tortoise. We know that he is very sneaky and tricky. He wanted to marry a pretty girl but felt he was too ugly to attract and catch her. So he borrowed handsome body parts and transformed into a handsome young man. The pretty girl fell for this handsome dude and agreed to marry him. They got married and to her greatest surprise, on their way home, he began to detach the different borrowed body parts to return to their original owners. All that was left was good, old, ugly Mr Tortoise. Isn’t that what happens these days?
When I say be true to yourselves, what I mean is that there should be no pretences, no lies, no half truths. People should be bold to be who they truly are? Rich, poor, tall, short, dark, fair, educated, not so educated etc. Just be yourselves, not who you think the other person wants you to be. It is usually a rude shock when the truth comes through. It always does. It is better to know what you have as best as you can. I realize that it may not be possible to bare all intentionally before living together in marriage, but it is possible to a large extent. Things may change as status and circumstances change but people must be true to who they really are, no matter what it is. There is always room to change for the better if they choose to. However, let them get what they bargained for. That is only fair.
TWO WAY COMMUNICATION
When I say two-way, I mean both parties talking and listening to each other, not both of them talking, back and forth. They should talk about everything- their dreams, expectations from the relationship. As it progresses, they should talk about the deep things, not how Beyonce dresses or Angelina Jolie having another set of twins. Yes that is gist, but that is all it is. What I call trivia. It has no bearings on two people in a relationship. Talking about everything means their thoughts about in-laws, money, wives who work and those who don’t, husbands who provide for their families and those who don’t. They should talk about their faith- God factor. How you both see and feel about God.
Why do you need to communicate? Two people can only get to know one another really well when they talk and listen to each other about the important and deep things.
Another thing that makes love last and last is prayer. One of the most threatened institutions in the world today is marriage. So many people get in and out. It can happen early or later in marriage when you expect that all should be well. The only way to stay ahead of the enemy is to pray-about the relationship, for one another, for the things that concern the relationship and the future the parties expect. I think that payer takes away the pressure of being in a relationship because both parties know there is Someone who truly cares for both of them who is also a part of the relationship. You could call Him the Unseen but active Partner. He holds it all together.
Whaaaaat? That sounds really old fashioned, doesn’t it. But it has been scientifically proven that relationships with sexual abstinence thrive better than those who don’t. It also protects both parties in the event that things don’t work out, you are not bound to each other by sexual ties- what we call soul ties that become difficult to break. Call it old fashioned, but believe me, it works better for relationships.
HAVE A LARGE HEART
Every relationship has their high and low moments. There will be blissful and not-so-good times. Hopefully, the good times will be more, which is what makes a good relationship. People must be forgiving and tolerant of each other’s mistakes. No one is perfect. People will always be in need of forgiveness- on the giving and receiving ends.
The magnitude of the issues that arise is a function of so many external things- our backgrounds, financial status, upbringing, experiences which all determine people’s attitudes to life. So men and women in relationship must have large and forgiving hearts- be willing to forgive as often is necessary-as long as there is no physical, emotional or any kind of abuse.
HAVE A WISE HEART
In my opinion, nothing is too big or small to be forgiven. But also know when to get out before it becomes too late. When you see violence, addiction, relentless unfaithfulness, you need to have the guts to run, especially the ladies. It is never too late to walk away from a bad relationship.
It there is no respect, thoughtfulness, caring, godly intimacy, then don’t waste time in that kind of relationship. Do not let marriage come out of that kind of relationship- it will never work. It will just add to the already scary statistics. Avoid becoming a statistic on the wrong side of the divide. Look for the signals and take them seriously and run for your life.