One of the things I am very passionate about is helping young women find their way around getting married. I am concerned with what happens before the guy comes along. It is important that the lady is in control of herself-her emotions, her desires, her choices and responses so that she can attract and keep the right kind of man. I believe that if she gets this bit right, what happens after the knot is tied becomes a lot easier and there are higher chances of success in marriage.

young african woman thinking isolated on white background
young african woman thinking isolated on white background

While she waits for Mr Right to come along, what does she need to do to make life enjoyable. She is somewhere between the ages of 22 and 35 or more, wanting to get married and not knowing how to go about making it happen? She has tried everything to no avail and is beginning to feel desperate. She is beginning to feel rejected and wondering what is wrong with her.

The first thing to do at this point is leave it in God’s care. That sounds so simple, but I know it is not. Someone could say, I am praying, is that not leaving it in His care. It is part of leaving it in His care but there is more to leaving it in His care. You need to truly leave it in His care. That would mean that you leave it and not take it up again. That would mean, entering a place of rest and having a deep assurance that He will take care of it.

It may sound simple but it is not as easy as it sounds. Why? The circumstances keep screaming. The loneliness, especially as she gets older, the disrespect from people around her, in some cases, the taunting. The list is endless. However as difficult as it may be, it is still the place every sister must get to, the place of assurance and rest. The Bible actually says we should ‘labour’ to enter that rest. It is not optional.

It all depends on how sister looks at this period when Mr Right seems to have gone AWOL.  If she sees it as a time of preparation rather than time wasting away, she will be able to do all it takes to enter that place of rest. It takes prayer and being in the word to get into that place of rest.

What does she need to pray about? First pray about loving and appreciating yourself as you are. Your marital status should not define you. Even though our society places a lot of premium on it, young women must guard their minds and refuse to be locked into moulds created for them by everyone but themselves. She also needs to pray about discovering her purpose in life. What does God want out of her life? She needs to pray about her dreams, her goals in life etc. A woman who is able to understand these things about herself is more likely to be an asset to her man when he finally shows up.

Then she needs to pray about getting ready for this man that will eventually come along, that she will be the woman God can use to really bless him. So that when he comes along, something about her will gel with him, like she is the missing piece.

Finally, pray for God to show you the blueprint of what your husband should be like. She will start to realise what she would really like in her future husband that really matters in the marriage relationship.  She will be able to differentiate the wheat from the chaff as she meets possible prospects and is less likely to choose someone who is not good for her. Remember that being in the Word will help to make the process smoother and more revealing.

One of the characteristics of youth is the tendency to get bored easily. So engagement is crucial to a young woman in waiting. She needs to occupy herself with wholesome activity at this time. Just sitting around at home and watching TV, one soap after the other is unhealthy at this time. When boredom sets in, lethargy and despair take hold of her.

This is a good time to build herself up-get a Masters, learn something new. Learn new skills that will enhance her career. This is also a good time to read good books on leadership, career and professional development. This a good time to volunteer with something she loves doing. This is really the only time available for these things.

This is also the time for her to do something about her identified purpose in life. This waiting period is a good time to do something about it. That is how she keeps busy through this time. It is not the time to waste her life away in front of soaps on TV, or gossip or silly ‘try your luck relationships’. When he does show up, he will meet a woman that is so full of purpose and vision who can be a blessing to him in so many ways. How does that sound? I think she will be intersting to meet and befriend.

What about the things she should not do. It is so easy to do stuff and not pay attention to the things she should not do. First she must not be pessimistic about men. She should not negate what she is praying for. There are still lots of good men out there. Some are also going through the same process. But there are still good ones. Young, God fearing, handsome and looking for the right woman too.

She must never look down on people just looking at them at face value. There is the need to get to meet and know people, then make informed choices.

She must never allow herself to be moved just by material things. That could take her down very painful paths.

She must not live in fear that time is running out. She must stop reading the clock and telling herself that time is running out. Time is in God’s hands and He uses it to our advantage. He does things beautifully in His time. She must never forget that.

Finally, she must not allow family members put her under pressure. She should have a word to re assure them because she has left it in God’s care. She should be the one to pre-empt them, and they will stop harassing her.

As difficult as this place could be, it need not be so if young women would just be develop the appropriate mind set to handle it. I don’t advise that you put it in the cooler and lock the desire to marry away and face other things like career or even ministry. Young women who do that may eventually not marry. However they must learn to live full lives. The matter must be constantly before her in prayer, but she must not be sitting around and watch life go by. That is such a waste of life with so much potential.

Marriage is a beautiful thing but it is not the be all and end all of life. Young women must be confident as they wait- be happy for others who get their beaus, attend as many weddings and baby showers as friends get married and have babies. It is only a matter of time, and it will be her turn. Always remember, there is Someone who has ultimate superintendence over our lives. His name is Jesus. He has great thoughts towards us. As we keep our eyes on Him, He will do all that concerns us well.  He can never disappoint us. We can trust Him. We can depend on Him. He never fails.


Chinwe Kalu, wife & mother of four

+234 803 2001 2458

#relationship #marriage #singlewoman @lindaekeji @bellanaija